Rainy Days

Today was suppose to be a rainy day. It is dreary, but it really hasn't stormed like the weather channel said it would. Even the radar looked like it would be a day full of rain. Alas, there is no rain. I decided to not go on my walk in exchange of getting things done around the house.

My day started like normal. I woke up exhausted and groggy. I use to be a mornings person. I am not sure what happened. As a teen, I was a night person and same with the early parts of college. As the years went on though, I started going to bed earlier and waking up at a reasonable time. My sleeping patterns have gone back to that of my teenage self for some reason. I toss and turn at night, and want to nap during the day. I am currently trying to fight that urge to lay down and nap. I had a breakfast of a pear with my zucchini bread and a cup of tea. I had popcorn as a snack, which was not that great. I love the idea of popping the kernels on the stove, but it never seems to turn out right. I think it might be the fact I don't have a nonstick pot. I am just using stainless steel, so it tends to burn. Popping it in a lunch bag is bleh as well. For lunch I had a whole tomato and mushrooms sauteed in chicken broth and marsala cooking wine with herbs. It was accompanied by a small potato and whole grain bread, because my cholesterol is borderline for some reason....Yay. So I need to boost my whole grain intake and lower my fatty meats, whole milk and egg consumption. I am not really thrilled about that. It is my own fault though. I had studied and research health and nutrition and everything I have read, including studies, said that whole milk, butter, daily whole egg consumption, and meats were not good for heart health. In recent years though people have come forward saying all those studies were wrong and that their 'study', saying all those foods, are actually good for you. In the back of my mind I was saying bull shit, because you know I wanted to eat all those foods more often in exchange for my bread and grains, because you know, they said those were bad and the actual reason for health issues. I love bread, but I love fat even more. Nothing better than a sunny side up egg with a steak cooked in butter, because that is oh so healthy. In the end, I am an idiot for disregarding years of research and I am paying for it. Now I didn't eat steak that often, but many of my meals involved meat as the front and center and veggies, which you actually want front and center, as a second thought. It accompanied the meat instead of vice versa. For dinner, we will be having black bean sweet potato chili. We still have cornbread left over, from before the results, so I will be feeding my husband that and will be eating a salad with my chili. This whole cholesterol thing is so frustrating considering I am a healthy weight, skinny in fact. I am only 116 pounds at 5'3. It just goes to show you that you can be skinny and not be healthy. I exercise too so it really is all my diet. Slowly, but surely I will be going back to my olive oil obsessed, dairy free milks, low-fat yogurts, egg whites and a mostly vegetable and grain diet with lean meat/seafood in moderation, life. That doesn't mean my life will be super strict. I will just enjoy the occasional treat like I use to, in moderation, on the weekends.

After I had my breakfast I made it my mission to knock out making doctors appointments. My doctor has me seeing a psychologist, which I really don't need for my Strattera, a neurologist, for my headache issue, that arose recently with activity, as well as my short term memory issues, the obgyn, for the usual yearly fun visit, and an orthopedic surgeon for my shoulder. All this will be wrapped up with a follow up with her. While it doesn't seem like much to do, it took me hours. Mostly because I had to answer the same damn questions over and over again about myself, my insurance and my husband, which takes awhile. Mostly because there was a shit ton of questions and there was the waiting time. The neurologists was the worst. I thought she forgot about me. There was no music or anything for people on hold and it was silent for a good 20 minutes. I wanted to hang up, but I didn't feel like going through that waiting, just in case I was not forgotten. I still don't know if she just went, oh fuck someone is on hold, after 20 minutes or if there was a line of us on hold.

Once I was done with doctor shit I proceeded to clean the house. My dogs avoided me like usual and now I am happy with it being clean, even if it only lasts a day or two before I have to do it over again. To help lower my heart, which my Strattera spikes, I decided to mix lavender and mint essential oils in my diffuser and sip on water. Since I am seeing a psychologist I might ask about different medications, not Adderall or Ritalin. Constant high heart rate isn't good, but I am hesitant since many of what I have looked up came with even worse side effects. I don't particularly want manic attacks or seizures in exchange for ADHD symptom control. I've tried not taking it, which didn't work either. While my heart rate isn't in a dangerous zone, it is 90 bpm which isn't bad, but it is high compared to my age, weight and physical activity. Without it my heart rate was 70, so I know it is the Strattera fucking with my heart rate. Sadly, it isn't affecting my cholesterol. If it was I could still keep eating all that delicious crap.