It has been an interesting month. With all the doctors visits, plus this past election, my anxiety has been through the roof. I had been on Strattera for my ADHD and anxiety. It was working, kinda, except there was too much serotonin in my brain. I am taking Propranolol, for my migraines, and it seems like it was only putting a bandaid on the issue. It is helping my migraines, but it also lowered my hr. When I went days without it, due to running out, we realized that my heart rate wasn't going down. It has always been high on Strattera, 90 bpm, but it went over 100 bpm for awhile, going up as high as the low 120s. My anxiety was also out of control, more along the lines of being off of it, and my headaches were relentless. So my Psychiatrist pulled me off of it. I wrote a 2 page paper on things I had forgotten, which seem pertinent to her effective treatment. I am wanting to see if we can go a different route. I am considering anxiety medications and natural methods. I am wanting to stay away from SSRI and SNRI's since it seems my body doesn't react well. Honestly, I should have waited to take the Propranolol. While it doesn't have interactions with Strattera, we would have noticed this much faster without it. That is my fault. I have an appointment at 1:45 today for my Psychologist and I am nervous. The paper contains information that I tend to keep to myself. My doctors only know broad information about my history, they don't know intimate details. Only my husband does and that was very hard to vocally express. I hate talking about my past. It does cause anxiety and I do get emotional.
Shortly before I came off my Strattera I noticed my boobs started hurting. The pregnancy test says not pregnant, so I have no clue what it is. Plus the timeframe is less likely for pregnancy. Considering when we had sex, the condom, and when I ovulated, it would be a very unlikely. I have 4 more days until my period starts, so for now I will wait. Freud thinks that doing his deep pressure therapy is helping, which is unfortunate. He lays on my chest, which normally does help with anxiety, but right now it hurts a lot for him to do it. He seems to think my little screams of pain is a sign, which makes him apply more pressure. I don't want to discourage him from doing it, but right now it is not helping. I've tried to redirect him to my legs and lower abdomen, which he seems to understand, but he still goes back to my chest.
This election has also not been great for my anxiety. Many of my friends are very disheartened too. I makes me sad that they are scared and for some reason, people don't understand why people are protesting or are scared for their families. I've seen people brush it off as petty behavior and throwing fits because Clinton didn't win. I've also seen them attack these people saying they are upset that their free ride is no longer available. Those people just don't get it. They don't get that people are scared for their basic rights and safety. It isn't about a handout, it is about not wanting your head bashed in because you are walking down the street while being transgender. It is about not wanting unfair treatment medical and business wise for women. It is also not wanting to fear racist people targeting you because you are black, Hispanic or any other race other than white. I am a white female that is straight and married to a man. What I have to worry about pales compared to what others have to worry about. I only have to worry about being sexually assaulted, being paid less or discriminated against in the medical field. I don't have to worry about some lunatic wanting to kill me because I don't fit into their cookie cutter twisted ideals. Even still, I have a way to protect myself from sexual predators and I am more likely to be believed when I am attacked vs a black woman. I am hoping that things resolve and Trump starts seriously rejecting the KKKs support. So far it has been half-ass and so has his support for minorities. Instead of having someone else say he rejects the KKK, he needs to say it himself and keep shouting it. He needs to really make it known. He also needs to be more vocal for womens rights and rights of the LGBTQ community. If his support was as loud as the racist and sexist bull shit that came out of his mouth, we would not have the amount of protesting we have now. These people are scared because they know he doesn't have his support and they are being targeted by his supporters that are racist, sexist and hateful. I get why some supported him. He has promised to get rid of all the boogymen that haunt us, which sounds nice and all, but his hate speech has attracted the trash as well. When you have someone who openly admits to sexually assaulting women, discriminating against blacks in the past, as well as openly talking about how all Muslims and Hispanics are criminals you will attract like-minded people into the open. Those people now think it is okay to commit hate crimes because of what was said by Trump. While he never said, beating a Muslim woman is okay, he never said anything to deter people from doing that. He never openly condemned it, which is why we now have this shit show.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Bleh kind of day
Well, last night's presidential debate was a circus, as usual. I was not expecting anything different, but was hopeful when it started. At first, Trump seemed composed and coherent, but that soon changed. He was easily baited by Clinton, while baiting someone to argue is not the best, it shows his true character. A true leader should not have the tolerance of a child. He is way too unstable to have access to nuclear codes. I don't just base this on his easy to anger on stage. Probably the biggest concern/concerns is/are when he had a family member cut from his father's will, in order to gain more money(greedy bastard), and said people sued. Rightfully so. The money was evenly split among children and their families, but since Trump wanted more money, he decided to write out a sibling and their family. If this wasn't the worst of it, he cut medical care insurance for the nephew's son, a child at the time, to teach them a lesson. He denied medical care for a fucking CHILD! A child for fuck's sake! If this petty asshole had codes for nuclear codes, what makes people think he won't use them to 'teach a lesson' to someone who pisses him off? He has also cut alimony from one of his wives, for telling the truth in a private interview. He did it to 'teach her a lesson'. See the trend? Anyone who goes against him, he has to 'teach them a lesson'. So childish. Thankfully the judge, in that case, told Trump to go fuck himself.
So yeah, it was a circus again thanks to his short temper. When he wasn't having a hissy fit, his stances on issues were deplorable. Yes, I use that word, a word Hillary used. I will not apologise for using it though because his views are deplorable, and anyone who supports those views tend to not be good people either. It doesn't apply to all, but a good majority I have seen are extremely sexist, racist and just downright mean to people who were not exactly like them. He tends to single out Blacks and Hispanics when it comes to inner city issues. He tries to pretty up his words by saying he wants to help them, but he is flat out blaming them for crime rates in inner cities and lack of education. His "bad hombres" comment kinda hit home how racist he is.
He also doesn't believe in abortion. While I understand it isn't the right option for everyone, no one has the right to tell what a woman can or can't do with her body, which is what he wants to do. He wants to appoint judges that will overturn Roe vs Wade. For some reason, republicans try to spin it as a selfish evil act. In many cases, women are not using it as a form of birth control. I have actually never heard a case of it being used as such. Not only would it get expensive, it would not be good for the woman's body. It isn't something you go, oh I got a fetus in my uterus, damn, let's go have an abortion. No, it doesn't work like that. There are many factors that go into deciding to have an abortion. Many of the same things come up when deciding to try for a child actually. Income is a consideration, and yes I have heard the keep your legs closed argument. I reply with the go fuck yourself, it isn't your body, so mind your own damn business. Contraception fails at times, and if it isn't the right time, it just isn't the right time. No amount of hate speech will change that. The only thing it does is hurt the sentient being that is actually alive right now and able to comprehend what is going on. Other factors, which are more common, is complications. For some reason, Trump can't seem to comprehend that pregnancies can have complications. Even with all the advances we have had in medicine, childbirth is still very dangerous. While the number of deaths are not as high as they use to be, it is on the rise. There are many contributing factors, but I won't get into that. The one hard fact remains the same. It is the woman,s body, it is her health, it is her decision. Period. No one else's. Just hers.
The wall issue is also getting silly. Has no one that advises him heard of the Great Wall of China and how well that didn't work? Sigh. Then there is his plan for the debt to be reduced while creating jobs. His plan just won't work. Especially if he lowers taxes for big businesses and individuals. You just can't do that. If you do you can't pay for anything. Taxes are useful, it is how you tax that matters. Common sense says to go where the money is. If you cut taxes for the more wealthy, but keep taxes or raise them for middle-class, you won't get much. All you get is very little money and pissed off individuals. I've heard the argument, well if companies can't pay for employees because of taxes you won't have job growth. Yes, this is very accurate, for small businesses. We aren't talking about small business though, we are talking about the guys who own a bunch of yachts and can afford it. We need tougher regulations on those businesses and how they handle jobs. When they are taxed more they do cut people so they don't have to cut their luxuries, which isn't right. If they want to be responsible for job growth, they need to act more responsible. Cutting jobs so they can afford that million dollar vacation is not responsible. It is the exact opposite. You can still have a very wonderful vacation on a fraction of that. You can't expect to drain the middle class and expect everything to work out. It just won't. On the other side, you can't have cuts for both and have it work out. There will be no money for people who need assistance or money for other things, like roads, schools etc. So what will happen? He will need to borrow more money, which will put us in more debt. The 'growth' will be a false one. Similar to how people put a huge amount on a credit card, and then can't pay for any of it. You have the appearance of growth, but in the end, you just crash, and things end up being worse than what they were.
So I actually ranted on that longer than I intended, but I just don't see how people are for him. Well, the Dunning-Kruger effect explains it well, but still. It just shows how many Americans don't want to educate themselves. I live in such a diverse environment, with people from so many other countries, and so far not many are for Trump. They are way more informed on our politics than actual Americans, and that is sad.
So enough of that. Last time I wrote about my birthday and Vlad. He is doing much better, but he is still on antibiotics and steroids. The lump on his neck, the infection, has gone down, but it isn't gone. We have 28 days of more antibiotics and another refill if needed. Hopefully he won't need the refill, but this seems to be a very aggressive infection. He also has only a few more days of the steroid, so I am hoping the pain won't return either.
My health hasn't been the best either. I finally found out that I have loose ligaments, which is what is causing my pain. So I am now in physical therapy for that. My MRI has also been rescheduled because the neurologist and Tricare didn't communicate properly, I had a meltdown at the facility because of stress and anxiety, which resulted in a migraine, which lasted 18 hours. My Strattera has been increased as well, in hopes it will help with my ADHD-related issues. I should know by the end of the month. I feel calmer, but I feel it is just situational and nothing to do with the medicine yet. My period is also coming, today is the due day, but only light pink so far. However, I am having the usual. Pain, nausea, dizziness etc. I know what my period use to feel like, and it has become worse. My doctor ordered a vaginal ultrasound, which didn't show anything, and I am not anemic. The technician said it was normal and to pop a pill, which I can't do because of rebound headaches, and deal with it. I know she went to school for this shit, but I've had my period for 15 years. I know what it use to be like, and now even birth control doesn't help. So no, it isn't normal, especially for me. Right now I am up, dressed and armed because some strange men are coming to my house to fix a leak, which the rental company is dragging their feet to fix, and I feel like shit. I just wanna lay down with my heating pad and curl up in a ball, but I can't. I gotta deal with it because I can't take NSAIDs more than twice a week because of the stupid rebound headaches. I am also vitamin D deficient, I'm in one of the sunniest states, go for daily walks outside, and my body still said fuck you. So I am taking 5000 IU of vitamin D and a calcium supplement to help with uptake. When I am not on my period, I feel better, but that is just silly. My neurologist also put me on a beta blocker for both my migraines and my heart rate. My Strattera is making my heart rate too high, which sucks. It is either I go crazy or I keel over from my heart exploding. My primary also decided she knew better than my Neurologist and tried to argue that I didn't need it. I guess she didn't get the memo that it is treating two things and my heart rate being 115 or higher isn't a good thing. I really like the specialist she sends me to, but she isn't the brightest.....Nor does she like to listen to understand a reasoning behind something. Even so, I do think I need a lower dose for the beta blocker. It is working, but I think it is working too well. Either that, or I need to find a different treatment than Strattera. My pulse is now at a safe range, but it is at the lower end. I can feel my carotid just fine, but my radial is harder to feel now as it is weaker. My neural evaluation has been finally scheduled, kinda. I need to go in first for a consult before Tricare will approve the evaluation, which is what my Neurologist wants. While it just costs me gas and time, it is still annoying that Tricare won't approve what my doctor wants without a doctor's okay. I don't see why this doctor will say no, so the first appointment is quite frankly, pointless. Once I do my dental appointment it will be the same. Consult, then treatment Also if they need to do two things at once, for example, a deep cleaning and a basic cleaning, I either have to pay for one, or schedule them at different times. Which is again, fucking pointless and a waste of time. I know people use this to argue why things like Obama Care doesn't work, but it really has nothing to do with that, and more to do with money. Insurance is a good thing, but like with any money hungry buisness, they need better regulations. Thankfully they can't charge women more money than men for coverage, or drop someone because of a medical condition anymore, so that is a step in the right direction. We still have a long way to go though.
I still need to clean the house, which I really don't want to do. I just feel so crappy from my stupid period now. I just want chocolate, wine and to lay the fuck down. I wish these guys will come soon so I can do part of that. We have no wine or chocolate and I don't feel up to making a trip.
So yeah, it was a circus again thanks to his short temper. When he wasn't having a hissy fit, his stances on issues were deplorable. Yes, I use that word, a word Hillary used. I will not apologise for using it though because his views are deplorable, and anyone who supports those views tend to not be good people either. It doesn't apply to all, but a good majority I have seen are extremely sexist, racist and just downright mean to people who were not exactly like them. He tends to single out Blacks and Hispanics when it comes to inner city issues. He tries to pretty up his words by saying he wants to help them, but he is flat out blaming them for crime rates in inner cities and lack of education. His "bad hombres" comment kinda hit home how racist he is.
He also doesn't believe in abortion. While I understand it isn't the right option for everyone, no one has the right to tell what a woman can or can't do with her body, which is what he wants to do. He wants to appoint judges that will overturn Roe vs Wade. For some reason, republicans try to spin it as a selfish evil act. In many cases, women are not using it as a form of birth control. I have actually never heard a case of it being used as such. Not only would it get expensive, it would not be good for the woman's body. It isn't something you go, oh I got a fetus in my uterus, damn, let's go have an abortion. No, it doesn't work like that. There are many factors that go into deciding to have an abortion. Many of the same things come up when deciding to try for a child actually. Income is a consideration, and yes I have heard the keep your legs closed argument. I reply with the go fuck yourself, it isn't your body, so mind your own damn business. Contraception fails at times, and if it isn't the right time, it just isn't the right time. No amount of hate speech will change that. The only thing it does is hurt the sentient being that is actually alive right now and able to comprehend what is going on. Other factors, which are more common, is complications. For some reason, Trump can't seem to comprehend that pregnancies can have complications. Even with all the advances we have had in medicine, childbirth is still very dangerous. While the number of deaths are not as high as they use to be, it is on the rise. There are many contributing factors, but I won't get into that. The one hard fact remains the same. It is the woman,s body, it is her health, it is her decision. Period. No one else's. Just hers.
The wall issue is also getting silly. Has no one that advises him heard of the Great Wall of China and how well that didn't work? Sigh. Then there is his plan for the debt to be reduced while creating jobs. His plan just won't work. Especially if he lowers taxes for big businesses and individuals. You just can't do that. If you do you can't pay for anything. Taxes are useful, it is how you tax that matters. Common sense says to go where the money is. If you cut taxes for the more wealthy, but keep taxes or raise them for middle-class, you won't get much. All you get is very little money and pissed off individuals. I've heard the argument, well if companies can't pay for employees because of taxes you won't have job growth. Yes, this is very accurate, for small businesses. We aren't talking about small business though, we are talking about the guys who own a bunch of yachts and can afford it. We need tougher regulations on those businesses and how they handle jobs. When they are taxed more they do cut people so they don't have to cut their luxuries, which isn't right. If they want to be responsible for job growth, they need to act more responsible. Cutting jobs so they can afford that million dollar vacation is not responsible. It is the exact opposite. You can still have a very wonderful vacation on a fraction of that. You can't expect to drain the middle class and expect everything to work out. It just won't. On the other side, you can't have cuts for both and have it work out. There will be no money for people who need assistance or money for other things, like roads, schools etc. So what will happen? He will need to borrow more money, which will put us in more debt. The 'growth' will be a false one. Similar to how people put a huge amount on a credit card, and then can't pay for any of it. You have the appearance of growth, but in the end, you just crash, and things end up being worse than what they were.
So I actually ranted on that longer than I intended, but I just don't see how people are for him. Well, the Dunning-Kruger effect explains it well, but still. It just shows how many Americans don't want to educate themselves. I live in such a diverse environment, with people from so many other countries, and so far not many are for Trump. They are way more informed on our politics than actual Americans, and that is sad.
So enough of that. Last time I wrote about my birthday and Vlad. He is doing much better, but he is still on antibiotics and steroids. The lump on his neck, the infection, has gone down, but it isn't gone. We have 28 days of more antibiotics and another refill if needed. Hopefully he won't need the refill, but this seems to be a very aggressive infection. He also has only a few more days of the steroid, so I am hoping the pain won't return either.
My health hasn't been the best either. I finally found out that I have loose ligaments, which is what is causing my pain. So I am now in physical therapy for that. My MRI has also been rescheduled because the neurologist and Tricare didn't communicate properly, I had a meltdown at the facility because of stress and anxiety, which resulted in a migraine, which lasted 18 hours. My Strattera has been increased as well, in hopes it will help with my ADHD-related issues. I should know by the end of the month. I feel calmer, but I feel it is just situational and nothing to do with the medicine yet. My period is also coming, today is the due day, but only light pink so far. However, I am having the usual. Pain, nausea, dizziness etc. I know what my period use to feel like, and it has become worse. My doctor ordered a vaginal ultrasound, which didn't show anything, and I am not anemic. The technician said it was normal and to pop a pill, which I can't do because of rebound headaches, and deal with it. I know she went to school for this shit, but I've had my period for 15 years. I know what it use to be like, and now even birth control doesn't help. So no, it isn't normal, especially for me. Right now I am up, dressed and armed because some strange men are coming to my house to fix a leak, which the rental company is dragging their feet to fix, and I feel like shit. I just wanna lay down with my heating pad and curl up in a ball, but I can't. I gotta deal with it because I can't take NSAIDs more than twice a week because of the stupid rebound headaches. I am also vitamin D deficient, I'm in one of the sunniest states, go for daily walks outside, and my body still said fuck you. So I am taking 5000 IU of vitamin D and a calcium supplement to help with uptake. When I am not on my period, I feel better, but that is just silly. My neurologist also put me on a beta blocker for both my migraines and my heart rate. My Strattera is making my heart rate too high, which sucks. It is either I go crazy or I keel over from my heart exploding. My primary also decided she knew better than my Neurologist and tried to argue that I didn't need it. I guess she didn't get the memo that it is treating two things and my heart rate being 115 or higher isn't a good thing. I really like the specialist she sends me to, but she isn't the brightest.....Nor does she like to listen to understand a reasoning behind something. Even so, I do think I need a lower dose for the beta blocker. It is working, but I think it is working too well. Either that, or I need to find a different treatment than Strattera. My pulse is now at a safe range, but it is at the lower end. I can feel my carotid just fine, but my radial is harder to feel now as it is weaker. My neural evaluation has been finally scheduled, kinda. I need to go in first for a consult before Tricare will approve the evaluation, which is what my Neurologist wants. While it just costs me gas and time, it is still annoying that Tricare won't approve what my doctor wants without a doctor's okay. I don't see why this doctor will say no, so the first appointment is quite frankly, pointless. Once I do my dental appointment it will be the same. Consult, then treatment Also if they need to do two things at once, for example, a deep cleaning and a basic cleaning, I either have to pay for one, or schedule them at different times. Which is again, fucking pointless and a waste of time. I know people use this to argue why things like Obama Care doesn't work, but it really has nothing to do with that, and more to do with money. Insurance is a good thing, but like with any money hungry buisness, they need better regulations. Thankfully they can't charge women more money than men for coverage, or drop someone because of a medical condition anymore, so that is a step in the right direction. We still have a long way to go though.
I still need to clean the house, which I really don't want to do. I just feel so crappy from my stupid period now. I just want chocolate, wine and to lay the fuck down. I wish these guys will come soon so I can do part of that. We have no wine or chocolate and I don't feel up to making a trip.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Birthday and Vlad
This past week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Like I said, I was going to blog about my birthday, which I will here, but I am going to reflect on the past week as well. I haven't forgotten about my face pictures for my new routine. I have been using the toner, but I forgot to exfoliate last week. It was a crazy week though, and I haven't taken pictures either.
I think I mentioned when all this started happening in my last entry, but we noticed Vlad acting funny Sunday. While my brain likes to think worst case scenario, his symptoms at first seemed to be a simple hip issue, like was mentioned before. While it is a hip issue, hip dysplasia grade 3, his spine is showing signs of starting to fuse, oh and he was shot twice, with a pellet gun. At first, they didn't think it was causing issues, because we had not caught the infection yet, but it is. His immune system is being weakened by a condition called metallosis. When we brought him home from the first appointment, he started vomiting at 4:30 am. He proceeded to vomit a total of 14 times before he stopped for good. Which the last time was after the vet visit when we went to fill his prescription. The vet there wanted to look at his x-rays, since he wasn't the one that ordered them, and he found an oddity in his bone structure in his neck. He told us it could be either an infection or cancer, thankfully it was an infection, a bone infection, but at least it wasn't cancer. So he is on a bunch of medication for pain, inflammation, pain and nausea. Since the pellets will be hard to remove, and could very easily cause nerve damage, we plan on doing immune supplements, which the vet thinks will help. Since it was such a hectic morning, all of us forgot about his shot for vomiting. He had not vomited at the vets, so it was very easy to forget about considering what was found and what all needed to be done to test. After he vomited all over himself, we brought him back to the vet for the shot, some pills for the nausea once it wore off, and some wet food that was easy on his stomach. He is still not back to normal yet, but he seems to be getting better. He has gone more than 24 hours without vomiting, so I think we are past that. Now the struggle is to get him up to drink enough water. He is very sleepy from one of his medications, so I will have to wake him up for it, so we are not out of the woods just yet.
When I took Vlad to the vet, Freud panicked. So we will need to start walking Vlad and Mocha with Freud being left either alone or with one of them, so he can get use to being without them. He is way too attached, which is normal. They are as much a part of his family as they are a part of mine. But hopefully getting him use to them being away for a short period will help with the anxiety when they pass. Looking it at realistically, if nothing happens to Freud, these two will pass before him, since he is the youngest. While we won't ever let him be without a companion for long, he won't have these two around for the rest of his life.
My birthday was nice. I went on my usual walk, and came home and relaxed, until we went out for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Their portion sizes really have gone down. It isn't a bad thing, but it was surprising since I haven't eaten there for close to two years. From my parents, I recieved money, which allowed us to go out for my birthday, and an adorable wine holder in the shape of a dog. From my brother and Chrissy I received Majoras Mask and Chrono Trigger. I just finished Portal, so I can now start on Crono Trigger, which I am excited about. Josh's mom got me a gift card from amazon, as well as sandals, earrings, and lipstick. From the gift card I ordered 3 tops, two which have arrived, 1 more pair of earrings, two belts, Ramekins for baking, a professional cooking torch, and a corgi decal.
The two tops fit well and are exactly what I was looking for. One is a cowl neck halter top, which is a purplish color. It was advertised as maroon, but it isn't quite that. Which is fine, I am not super picky on colors as long as they aren't hideous, like a barf green. The other is a black top that buttons in the back around the neck, and ties around the lower back. The front is covered up to the neck, but the back is exposed. It is very sexy, while being modest as well. The earrings I ordered are a multi color pearl that goes along with my necklace. I planned on wearing them this past weekend, but things went downhill with Vlad, so we needed to take care of him. Which I don't mind doing, but it just breaks my hear seeing him like this. The Decal I have not put on my truck just yet. I need to clean the back window first, which I am being lazy about. The two belts I ordered for my black sandals. I have a lot of brown belts, but no black, so I am now able to wear more of my outfits that were originally for my brown boots, but since it is hot as hell here, sandals are preferred. I just used one of the Ramekins for baked Ricotta, and it held up well, so I am pleased about that. I have yet to fill and test out the torch. I need to get a butane filler for it
I think I mentioned when all this started happening in my last entry, but we noticed Vlad acting funny Sunday. While my brain likes to think worst case scenario, his symptoms at first seemed to be a simple hip issue, like was mentioned before. While it is a hip issue, hip dysplasia grade 3, his spine is showing signs of starting to fuse, oh and he was shot twice, with a pellet gun. At first, they didn't think it was causing issues, because we had not caught the infection yet, but it is. His immune system is being weakened by a condition called metallosis. When we brought him home from the first appointment, he started vomiting at 4:30 am. He proceeded to vomit a total of 14 times before he stopped for good. Which the last time was after the vet visit when we went to fill his prescription. The vet there wanted to look at his x-rays, since he wasn't the one that ordered them, and he found an oddity in his bone structure in his neck. He told us it could be either an infection or cancer, thankfully it was an infection, a bone infection, but at least it wasn't cancer. So he is on a bunch of medication for pain, inflammation, pain and nausea. Since the pellets will be hard to remove, and could very easily cause nerve damage, we plan on doing immune supplements, which the vet thinks will help. Since it was such a hectic morning, all of us forgot about his shot for vomiting. He had not vomited at the vets, so it was very easy to forget about considering what was found and what all needed to be done to test. After he vomited all over himself, we brought him back to the vet for the shot, some pills for the nausea once it wore off, and some wet food that was easy on his stomach. He is still not back to normal yet, but he seems to be getting better. He has gone more than 24 hours without vomiting, so I think we are past that. Now the struggle is to get him up to drink enough water. He is very sleepy from one of his medications, so I will have to wake him up for it, so we are not out of the woods just yet.
When I took Vlad to the vet, Freud panicked. So we will need to start walking Vlad and Mocha with Freud being left either alone or with one of them, so he can get use to being without them. He is way too attached, which is normal. They are as much a part of his family as they are a part of mine. But hopefully getting him use to them being away for a short period will help with the anxiety when they pass. Looking it at realistically, if nothing happens to Freud, these two will pass before him, since he is the youngest. While we won't ever let him be without a companion for long, he won't have these two around for the rest of his life.
My birthday was nice. I went on my usual walk, and came home and relaxed, until we went out for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Their portion sizes really have gone down. It isn't a bad thing, but it was surprising since I haven't eaten there for close to two years. From my parents, I recieved money, which allowed us to go out for my birthday, and an adorable wine holder in the shape of a dog. From my brother and Chrissy I received Majoras Mask and Chrono Trigger. I just finished Portal, so I can now start on Crono Trigger, which I am excited about. Josh's mom got me a gift card from amazon, as well as sandals, earrings, and lipstick. From the gift card I ordered 3 tops, two which have arrived, 1 more pair of earrings, two belts, Ramekins for baking, a professional cooking torch, and a corgi decal.
The two tops fit well and are exactly what I was looking for. One is a cowl neck halter top, which is a purplish color. It was advertised as maroon, but it isn't quite that. Which is fine, I am not super picky on colors as long as they aren't hideous, like a barf green. The other is a black top that buttons in the back around the neck, and ties around the lower back. The front is covered up to the neck, but the back is exposed. It is very sexy, while being modest as well. The earrings I ordered are a multi color pearl that goes along with my necklace. I planned on wearing them this past weekend, but things went downhill with Vlad, so we needed to take care of him. Which I don't mind doing, but it just breaks my hear seeing him like this. The Decal I have not put on my truck just yet. I need to clean the back window first, which I am being lazy about. The two belts I ordered for my black sandals. I have a lot of brown belts, but no black, so I am now able to wear more of my outfits that were originally for my brown boots, but since it is hot as hell here, sandals are preferred. I just used one of the Ramekins for baked Ricotta, and it held up well, so I am pleased about that. I have yet to fill and test out the torch. I need to get a butane filler for it
Thursday, September 22, 2016
I don't wanna adult today
I want to start off with I had a wonderful birthday. I will make another post about it, but for now I will blog about other things. Today is the day of Vlad's vet visit. Roughly two weeks ago, we took the dogs to the vet for a hello visit, since we just got here, and random issues that were not too big of a deal. Freud has stopped eating his poop thankfully, pineapple is amazing for that apparently, and Mocha is still senile/blind. We recently got a desk for our laptop and she has ran into it. She seems to have gotten use to it's placement now though thankfully. We still need to be careful with her, but it is difficult when she wants to run full speed. Vlad was having issues pooping. He didn't want to, so we thought it was anal glands. It wasn't that and the vet said he was fine, and that as long as he poops once a day he is good. He does that now, but he isn't on a schedule like he use to. He has suddenly started having issues with his legs. We noticed it Sunday, he was limping and overall slow. Monday he was worse and it progressed from there I have to pick him up to get him to go outside to even pee. I bring him water and food now because he has balance issues. I saw him today try to get up. He sat up, tried to get up 4 times before he got to his feet, almost falling over, and hobbled to Mocha's padded bed.
I'm scared something is seriously wrong with him. I am hoping it is something like hip dysplasia or something that is easily treated and quality of life can be improved with general medication. His quick decline worries me though. He was such a healthy spunky dog and now he does nothing but lay down. He doesn't even wanna play with Freud anymore. When I don't catch him right away, Vlad is tolerant of his playfulness. I can tell he would rather be left alone though. I know going to the vet is a must, but I fear the diagnosis. It is that time of the month though, so my anxiety is through the roof and so is my emotions. So adulting right now is very difficult. I just want to snap my fingers and make the issues go away.
Freud has an Instagram account and this week I have been half assing everything. I have ideas for his account, but I just don't want to do anything. For Freud's Instagram I used an old picture for a throw back Thursday. I did clean the house, but I haven't exercised because I'm scared to leave Vlad's side, and I haven't organized anything. Besides being swept and surfaces sanitized, the house is a mess. We need to go to the dump again to get rid of more bulk no one wants to buy, and I need to go through things to toss in the usual trash that isn't too bulky.
Speaking of Instagram, I noticed an email from change.org. It was about helping curb bullying on Instagram. While I rarely encounter it, it is a common thing. It seems Instagram, with it's newest update, helped fix some of these issues. They aren't great fixes, but it is an improvement. You can now hide commonly reported offensive words in your comments. That doesn't stop it from happening, but you can't see it until someone points it out in a nice manner, that doesn't fit the criteria for hidden comment. Yesterday two asshats decided to harass me for simply un-following an account. I didn't make a fuss, I simply hit un-follow and the person I un-followed made a rude comment on my profile for un-following them, and how they were un-following me now. I could honestly care less if they un-followed me. They could have simply hit the un-follow button, but nope, they decided to be a dick about it. In hindsight, I should have just deleted and blocked the fucker. Instead I commented that I didn't care if they un-followed me, and I gave the reason, why I un-followed, publicly....Because they are now a follow for follow account and I find that type of thing stupid. They played stupid, or are actually stupid, I don't know I pretty much explained why I un-followed and why I was commenting about it, but I had to re-explain myself in a very over simplified manner. Seriously. I had to literally do a list of events that took place, up to my first comment. Which said exactly what I did prior, except not in a long winded manner. I reported them after that, because I didn't want them to have access to my profile and reporting blocks them. They deleted my comments, and kept theirs to make it look like I was begging for a follow, their comments were mocking me in a way that made it look like I wanted them to follow me without following them, which is why I over simplified my explanation, because I felt they didn't understand, hence why I now think they were playing stupid. Anyways, one of their lackies decided to jump in on the fun of harassing me. I sent a private message this time to explain what happened, didn't know it was a lackie at the time, and of course they acted like a bitch. In other words neither didn't care they bullied me. I can't actually take proper steps to make sure it is handled. Instagram has a crappy customer service. The reporting is a joke and once they block you, you can't see the private messages. So you can't save that is proof. So yeah, it is shitty, but uh well. They don't seem to have continued. As long as they don't do anything more, I don't care. However, it doesn't always stop for everyone. Some people suffer severe bullying to the point where the person doing the bullying stalks the poor person. I've seen the person go from one social media to another, just to harass a person. So it is hard to get away from it. I've also seen it go as far as the bully finding the actual person they are bullying, and continue it away from social media. So the fact they don't have an option to help stop it asap, it makes bullying easier on it's platform. Oh and fun fact, you can't reach them via email. If you try it says email is full.
Not too long ago I blogged about guns and shooting of a kid. I did a quick update search and it still seems to stay the same, he pulled a Ruger replica on a cop, but this time it is reported another person was shot and killed. I have not blogged about innocent people being killed by police, but it is way too common. I mean come on, if it is true, how the fuck do you mistake a book for a gun. They look nothing alike. I understand that the man didn't follow orders, but for fucks sake, that is no reason to kill a person. For all they know, he could not have heard them properly. It has been a more common place for white cops to shoot black people, but this time it was a black cop that shot a black person. I'm not saying race isn't a factor in some white on black shootings involving cops, but I really think it is a lack of training issue. My husband is highly trained and if he shot a civilian while deployed, and it was an innocent person that he murdered, he would be charged. I really don't know why the same standards can't be applied to our police force. Yes, they risk their lives, but so does my husband, and he is held to stricter standards.....and has better training. So why can't our cops get better training huh?
So yeah, period, I'm pissy, sad and emotional. It is a bad combo. I need more pads, so I might get a bottle of wine while I'm at it.
I'm scared something is seriously wrong with him. I am hoping it is something like hip dysplasia or something that is easily treated and quality of life can be improved with general medication. His quick decline worries me though. He was such a healthy spunky dog and now he does nothing but lay down. He doesn't even wanna play with Freud anymore. When I don't catch him right away, Vlad is tolerant of his playfulness. I can tell he would rather be left alone though. I know going to the vet is a must, but I fear the diagnosis. It is that time of the month though, so my anxiety is through the roof and so is my emotions. So adulting right now is very difficult. I just want to snap my fingers and make the issues go away.
Freud has an Instagram account and this week I have been half assing everything. I have ideas for his account, but I just don't want to do anything. For Freud's Instagram I used an old picture for a throw back Thursday. I did clean the house, but I haven't exercised because I'm scared to leave Vlad's side, and I haven't organized anything. Besides being swept and surfaces sanitized, the house is a mess. We need to go to the dump again to get rid of more bulk no one wants to buy, and I need to go through things to toss in the usual trash that isn't too bulky.
Speaking of Instagram, I noticed an email from change.org. It was about helping curb bullying on Instagram. While I rarely encounter it, it is a common thing. It seems Instagram, with it's newest update, helped fix some of these issues. They aren't great fixes, but it is an improvement. You can now hide commonly reported offensive words in your comments. That doesn't stop it from happening, but you can't see it until someone points it out in a nice manner, that doesn't fit the criteria for hidden comment. Yesterday two asshats decided to harass me for simply un-following an account. I didn't make a fuss, I simply hit un-follow and the person I un-followed made a rude comment on my profile for un-following them, and how they were un-following me now. I could honestly care less if they un-followed me. They could have simply hit the un-follow button, but nope, they decided to be a dick about it. In hindsight, I should have just deleted and blocked the fucker. Instead I commented that I didn't care if they un-followed me, and I gave the reason, why I un-followed, publicly....Because they are now a follow for follow account and I find that type of thing stupid. They played stupid, or are actually stupid, I don't know I pretty much explained why I un-followed and why I was commenting about it, but I had to re-explain myself in a very over simplified manner. Seriously. I had to literally do a list of events that took place, up to my first comment. Which said exactly what I did prior, except not in a long winded manner. I reported them after that, because I didn't want them to have access to my profile and reporting blocks them. They deleted my comments, and kept theirs to make it look like I was begging for a follow, their comments were mocking me in a way that made it look like I wanted them to follow me without following them, which is why I over simplified my explanation, because I felt they didn't understand, hence why I now think they were playing stupid. Anyways, one of their lackies decided to jump in on the fun of harassing me. I sent a private message this time to explain what happened, didn't know it was a lackie at the time, and of course they acted like a bitch. In other words neither didn't care they bullied me. I can't actually take proper steps to make sure it is handled. Instagram has a crappy customer service. The reporting is a joke and once they block you, you can't see the private messages. So you can't save that is proof. So yeah, it is shitty, but uh well. They don't seem to have continued. As long as they don't do anything more, I don't care. However, it doesn't always stop for everyone. Some people suffer severe bullying to the point where the person doing the bullying stalks the poor person. I've seen the person go from one social media to another, just to harass a person. So it is hard to get away from it. I've also seen it go as far as the bully finding the actual person they are bullying, and continue it away from social media. So the fact they don't have an option to help stop it asap, it makes bullying easier on it's platform. Oh and fun fact, you can't reach them via email. If you try it says email is full.
Not too long ago I blogged about guns and shooting of a kid. I did a quick update search and it still seems to stay the same, he pulled a Ruger replica on a cop, but this time it is reported another person was shot and killed. I have not blogged about innocent people being killed by police, but it is way too common. I mean come on, if it is true, how the fuck do you mistake a book for a gun. They look nothing alike. I understand that the man didn't follow orders, but for fucks sake, that is no reason to kill a person. For all they know, he could not have heard them properly. It has been a more common place for white cops to shoot black people, but this time it was a black cop that shot a black person. I'm not saying race isn't a factor in some white on black shootings involving cops, but I really think it is a lack of training issue. My husband is highly trained and if he shot a civilian while deployed, and it was an innocent person that he murdered, he would be charged. I really don't know why the same standards can't be applied to our police force. Yes, they risk their lives, but so does my husband, and he is held to stricter standards.....and has better training. So why can't our cops get better training huh?
So yeah, period, I'm pissy, sad and emotional. It is a bad combo. I need more pads, so I might get a bottle of wine while I'm at it.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Guns
I am a supporter of guns, I carry myself and support the second amendment. I also support good gun laws. It is a person's right to carry, within reason. Lately, the news has been flooded with stories of cops killing armed people, mostly blacks. Some of the stories have me outraged, just like any other person, because some cops should not be cops. The same way some doctors should not be doctors etc. The newest story is of a 13-year-old. At first, I thought, what the fuck is wrong with that cop, but like a reasonable person, I did some digging.
Turns out the kid had a bb gun that looked exactly like a real handgun. I have taken a look of said bb gun, and up close it is obvious, but from a distance, it does look like a real gun. I would have shot someone pulling that out too. It is an honest mistake. Now, what was the 13-year-old doing with that gun? He robbed someone. Yep, robbed. All the sudden this story doesn't sound so absurd. Naturally, the parents are upset, rightfully so, their child is dead, and are wanting an unbiased investigation. That is totally reasonable. However, there are some serious questions that need to be addressed. Besides the obvious morals issues, considering he held a gun to someone and robbed them, another is why the hell did this kid have a bb gun that resembled a Ruger? It is a very good replica, it does it's job in looking like the real deal.
Like I said before, I am for a person's right to carry, however, it is obvious why a 13-year-old isn't allowed to carry. So why are there guns for kids resembling the real deal? It makes a cops job difficult. To shoot or not to shoot? We all talk about trigger happy cops that shoot the innocent, but rarely is the threat really talked about. While the average cop gets the gun training of a kindergartener, there is a real threat. Two things really need to be addressed.....Well three if you count the issue of getting rid of bad cops, since that seems to be hard as fuck. First off, our cops really need more training. I get more training than our cops and I am not required to know how to use a gun by my job. If your job entails firearms, you need at least weekly training at the range. It doesn't have to be long, an hour a week, and then a skills test once a month is not too hard. For fucks sake, I had to prove my skills as a lifeguard more often than our cops. We are not doing them any favors by not training them properly. It just makes their job even harder. While shoot to kill is a good way to teach, considering an armed person that wants to harm isn't going to stop when there is an attempt to disarm, it should not be the only training. Small target training should be enforced. When a person reaches for an assumed weapon, the first shot should be a small, non-lethal target. It really doesn't take that long of a time to pull the trigger and then pull it again if the action is not stopped. Especially with kids, most are not going to continue with their actions if shot in the foot. Now I'm not saying all confrontations end like this, but with this situation, it could have been used. All it takes is one trigger pull, adjust the aim for the second shot, and reassess the situation. While it isn't sensible for the average Joe, cops should be taught this. Again, this isn't feasible for all situations, but it is a method that should be taught as a part of their skills. I'm sure many will disagree with that, but it is my opinion on how to vary their training. Another thing mentioned in the reporting was that the child fled. I am not sure how far he fled, but a good method for fleeing subjects is tazing them. I already know their gun training is shoddy, so I presume they don't have much training with these either. While I don't have all the details. I still feel the cop only had one skill at his disposal that was really enforced, which is the shoot to kill. Which is sad and not fair to the cop. Not only does he have to deal with the investigation, he has to deal with the fact he killed a child. A troubled child, but a child none the less.
Secondly, we need to stop making toy guns look like the real deal. This wasn't a matter of a kid going pew pew pew, with an orange gun at a cop, it was a kid that had something that looked like something that could KILL you. I need to emphasize that. It looks like a weapon that could kill, and was pulled out when cops were chasing him. Now comes the hard choice. Should the cop risk his life, in the off chance it was what it turned out to be, or should he shoot to protect himself from what looks like a weapon. Yes, this is a child, but so many forget that kids are capable of killing. Hell, this kid robbed someone with his bb gun, so honestly, in my opinion, it was only a matter of time before he obtained a real gun and killed someone if there was no intervention. From what is reported, it seems like the kid was involved in a gang. I really can't think of another reason why a 19-year-old would hang out with a 13-year-old and then happen to rob someone with a gun. This was reported to be admitted by the 19-year-old 'friend'.
I do feel for the family. I can't imagine losing a child. With empathy, I can have somewhat of an idea of what it might be like. I know the mother thought the world of this child, but if the facts come out the shooting was justified, she really needs to reflect and focus on her daughter. I don't know if she just missed the signs, or if the household is conducive for this type of behavior, but I really hope her daughter turns out well. Losing a brother is hard, but if she turns out like her brother, that would be even more tragic. I truly hope that the investigation helps the family get some closure, but I feel there won't be any, especially after the confession and the bb gun evidence. It certainly doesn't help the tension that is going on currently, but, this wasn't a case of a racist person killing a black person. As it turns out, there was more to it, more that needs to lead to changes.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Birthday tomorrow
My 27th birthday will be tomorrow. While I am excited to celebrate it, my skin is showing all those years of abuse. While I never went tanning on a regular basis, only on vacations to the beach and even then most of the time was spent playing. Laying around baking never really appealed to me. I applied sunscreen, but not as often as I should. Even now, I don't put sunscreen on my face daily like I should. I need to crack down and find a good facial sunscreen. One reason I never really tried to find one is because my skin reacts to almost every damn sunscreen out there. I found a brand for my body that works, but it leaves my face super oily, hence why I don't apply it to my face on a regular basis.
It started a few months ago. I noticed some spots on my cheeks, now I have more and some on my nose. They are not super noticeable, but it is a reminder I am getting older and my skin is saying fuck you, take care of me properly. I have also noticed my dark circles have gotten a tad darker. My eyes use to be bright, but no longer. I got comfortable with my facewash and moisturizer, CeraVe, but now it is time for a big girl routine. I am reluctantly researching products for my face, and soon to be chest, I noticed a texture difference there too, oh and lovely stretch marks on my boobs, I mean like what the fuck? I am only a 32C, I should not have stretch marks on my boobs. I don't wear a bra when home, which is probably the culprit. I refuse to restrict them! You can't see the marks in a bikini, so my husband can deal with it. Back to my face skin.......Well after I noticed it wasn't going away and actually progressing somewhat, I decided on a few products. They aren't high-end products, but this shit isn't cheap! I knew I could not get away with bottom line products. For one they don't work, secondly, my skin won't tolerate it. Since the price adds up, because I was being stubborn and not using these products already, despite every article I read that said to start getting your products in your early 20's,
I had to get two products to start off with. I chose a toner and a scrub. I still have facial lotion and face wash and I refuse to be wasteful, so my face will have to deal until I run out of the products. For the toner, I decided to go with Thayers Alcohol-free rosewater. The reviews were good and I liked the ingredients. It uses rosewater, which is good for soothing the skin and has been said to have anti-inflammatory properties. Witch hazel is another ingredient that I wanted in my skincare routine since it helps with pimples and reduces puffiness. While I don't suffer from a lot of acne, I do have the occasional pimple, which a daily toner will help combat. The last ingredient that drew me to this product is aloe. Aloe is very soothing and it can help with sunburns and such.The second thing I decided on was Aveeno positively ageless. I was hesitant at first because this is a very common brand, and with super common brands comes useless crap. This, however, got really good reviews. It is made with mushrooms and has vitamin C, which is a plus. I will have to play guinea pig and make sure these don't make my skin go crazy. Today was my first day and so far so good. No burning and my skin feels smooth. There is no excessive redness, besides the normal red nose zone that I usually have. When a product is super irritating that will be super red. It is pretty tame compared to other products I used before I started using Cerave. Now I have not decided to fully ditch Cerave. I still really like the facial cleanser. I will obviously have to switch out the moisturizer for an anti-aging one and the next purchase will be an eye cream. BTW, eye creams are freaken expensive as hell. I am debating on when to get the facial mask, yeah, mask. The scrub and mask is a once a week type of thing, and the toner, creams and toner will be daily. So that is a total of 4 items I am adding to my routine, and 1 I am switching for sure. The items alone is not that bad, the most expensive is 17 dollars, which is actually the moisturizer. It has green tea, so it is to be expected, but all products at once is expensive!
I expect the toner to last me about 3 months, maybe more, the scrub is small, but a little goes a long way, so I can see that lasting 2 months, I am not sure about the other products yet, but I will update once I start using them. I will also do a before an after picture from day 1 to day 30. So once a week I will take a picture. I am currently trying to take a decent photo with a note 2. The quality is crap compared to my husband's phone. Samsung broke my note 4 with the most recent update and my mother gave me a cracked phone, which was amazing, but the integrity was already compromised so Mocha stepping on it completely destroyed it. So, I dug up this old phone and I've had to deal with the no wifi, getting expensive, and no GPS, annoying. I know his response, why not use the good camera. Well because have you ever tried to take a selfie with a fucking Nikon DX. I can switch to the less, zoom lens, but that doesn't have an autofocus feature and trying to take a decent selfie will take forever. Like I said, it isn't bad, but I can see the change, and I need to start something new before I look twice my age instead of younger than I am. So this is my skin, day 1 with one use of the toner and scrub. Obviously nothing different yet, but I will keep updating before and after photos until I have all the products that my skin likes, and have had that routine for a full 30 days.
It started a few months ago. I noticed some spots on my cheeks, now I have more and some on my nose. They are not super noticeable, but it is a reminder I am getting older and my skin is saying fuck you, take care of me properly. I have also noticed my dark circles have gotten a tad darker. My eyes use to be bright, but no longer. I got comfortable with my facewash and moisturizer, CeraVe, but now it is time for a big girl routine. I am reluctantly researching products for my face, and soon to be chest, I noticed a texture difference there too, oh and lovely stretch marks on my boobs, I mean like what the fuck? I am only a 32C, I should not have stretch marks on my boobs. I don't wear a bra when home, which is probably the culprit. I refuse to restrict them! You can't see the marks in a bikini, so my husband can deal with it. Back to my face skin.......Well after I noticed it wasn't going away and actually progressing somewhat, I decided on a few products. They aren't high-end products, but this shit isn't cheap! I knew I could not get away with bottom line products. For one they don't work, secondly, my skin won't tolerate it. Since the price adds up, because I was being stubborn and not using these products already, despite every article I read that said to start getting your products in your early 20's,
I had to get two products to start off with. I chose a toner and a scrub. I still have facial lotion and face wash and I refuse to be wasteful, so my face will have to deal until I run out of the products. For the toner, I decided to go with Thayers Alcohol-free rosewater. The reviews were good and I liked the ingredients. It uses rosewater, which is good for soothing the skin and has been said to have anti-inflammatory properties. Witch hazel is another ingredient that I wanted in my skincare routine since it helps with pimples and reduces puffiness. While I don't suffer from a lot of acne, I do have the occasional pimple, which a daily toner will help combat. The last ingredient that drew me to this product is aloe. Aloe is very soothing and it can help with sunburns and such.The second thing I decided on was Aveeno positively ageless. I was hesitant at first because this is a very common brand, and with super common brands comes useless crap. This, however, got really good reviews. It is made with mushrooms and has vitamin C, which is a plus. I will have to play guinea pig and make sure these don't make my skin go crazy. Today was my first day and so far so good. No burning and my skin feels smooth. There is no excessive redness, besides the normal red nose zone that I usually have. When a product is super irritating that will be super red. It is pretty tame compared to other products I used before I started using Cerave. Now I have not decided to fully ditch Cerave. I still really like the facial cleanser. I will obviously have to switch out the moisturizer for an anti-aging one and the next purchase will be an eye cream. BTW, eye creams are freaken expensive as hell. I am debating on when to get the facial mask, yeah, mask. The scrub and mask is a once a week type of thing, and the toner, creams and toner will be daily. So that is a total of 4 items I am adding to my routine, and 1 I am switching for sure. The items alone is not that bad, the most expensive is 17 dollars, which is actually the moisturizer. It has green tea, so it is to be expected, but all products at once is expensive!
I expect the toner to last me about 3 months, maybe more, the scrub is small, but a little goes a long way, so I can see that lasting 2 months, I am not sure about the other products yet, but I will update once I start using them. I will also do a before an after picture from day 1 to day 30. So once a week I will take a picture. I am currently trying to take a decent photo with a note 2. The quality is crap compared to my husband's phone. Samsung broke my note 4 with the most recent update and my mother gave me a cracked phone, which was amazing, but the integrity was already compromised so Mocha stepping on it completely destroyed it. So, I dug up this old phone and I've had to deal with the no wifi, getting expensive, and no GPS, annoying. I know his response, why not use the good camera. Well because have you ever tried to take a selfie with a fucking Nikon DX. I can switch to the less, zoom lens, but that doesn't have an autofocus feature and trying to take a decent selfie will take forever. Like I said, it isn't bad, but I can see the change, and I need to start something new before I look twice my age instead of younger than I am. So this is my skin, day 1 with one use of the toner and scrub. Obviously nothing different yet, but I will keep updating before and after photos until I have all the products that my skin likes, and have had that routine for a full 30 days.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Rainy Days
Today was suppose to be a rainy day. It is dreary, but it really hasn't stormed like the weather channel said it would. Even the radar looked like it would be a day full of rain. Alas, there is no rain. I decided to not go on my walk in exchange of getting things done around the house.
My day started like normal. I woke up exhausted and groggy. I use to be a mornings person. I am not sure what happened. As a teen, I was a night person and same with the early parts of college. As the years went on though, I started going to bed earlier and waking up at a reasonable time. My sleeping patterns have gone back to that of my teenage self for some reason. I toss and turn at night, and want to nap during the day. I am currently trying to fight that urge to lay down and nap. I had a breakfast of a pear with my zucchini bread and a cup of tea. I had popcorn as a snack, which was not that great. I love the idea of popping the kernels on the stove, but it never seems to turn out right. I think it might be the fact I don't have a nonstick pot. I am just using stainless steel, so it tends to burn. Popping it in a lunch bag is bleh as well. For lunch I had a whole tomato and mushrooms sauteed in chicken broth and marsala cooking wine with herbs. It was accompanied by a small potato and whole grain bread, because my cholesterol is borderline for some reason....Yay. So I need to boost my whole grain intake and lower my fatty meats, whole milk and egg consumption. I am not really thrilled about that. It is my own fault though. I had studied and research health and nutrition and everything I have read, including studies, said that whole milk, butter, daily whole egg consumption, and meats were not good for heart health. In recent years though people have come forward saying all those studies were wrong and that their 'study', saying all those foods, are actually good for you. In the back of my mind I was saying bull shit, because you know I wanted to eat all those foods more often in exchange for my bread and grains, because you know, they said those were bad and the actual reason for health issues. I love bread, but I love fat even more. Nothing better than a sunny side up egg with a steak cooked in butter, because that is oh so healthy. In the end, I am an idiot for disregarding years of research and I am paying for it. Now I didn't eat steak that often, but many of my meals involved meat as the front and center and veggies, which you actually want front and center, as a second thought. It accompanied the meat instead of vice versa. For dinner, we will be having black bean sweet potato chili. We still have cornbread left over, from before the results, so I will be feeding my husband that and will be eating a salad with my chili. This whole cholesterol thing is so frustrating considering I am a healthy weight, skinny in fact. I am only 116 pounds at 5'3. It just goes to show you that you can be skinny and not be healthy. I exercise too so it really is all my diet. Slowly, but surely I will be going back to my olive oil obsessed, dairy free milks, low-fat yogurts, egg whites and a mostly vegetable and grain diet with lean meat/seafood in moderation, life. That doesn't mean my life will be super strict. I will just enjoy the occasional treat like I use to, in moderation, on the weekends.
After I had my breakfast I made it my mission to knock out making doctors appointments. My doctor has me seeing a psychologist, which I really don't need for my Strattera, a neurologist, for my headache issue, that arose recently with activity, as well as my short term memory issues, the obgyn, for the usual yearly fun visit, and an orthopedic surgeon for my shoulder. All this will be wrapped up with a follow up with her. While it doesn't seem like much to do, it took me hours. Mostly because I had to answer the same damn questions over and over again about myself, my insurance and my husband, which takes awhile. Mostly because there was a shit ton of questions and there was the waiting time. The neurologists was the worst. I thought she forgot about me. There was no music or anything for people on hold and it was silent for a good 20 minutes. I wanted to hang up, but I didn't feel like going through that waiting, just in case I was not forgotten. I still don't know if she just went, oh fuck someone is on hold, after 20 minutes or if there was a line of us on hold.
Once I was done with doctor shit I proceeded to clean the house. My dogs avoided me like usual and now I am happy with it being clean, even if it only lasts a day or two before I have to do it over again. To help lower my heart, which my Strattera spikes, I decided to mix lavender and mint essential oils in my diffuser and sip on water. Since I am seeing a psychologist I might ask about different medications, not Adderall or Ritalin. Constant high heart rate isn't good, but I am hesitant since many of what I have looked up came with even worse side effects. I don't particularly want manic attacks or seizures in exchange for ADHD symptom control. I've tried not taking it, which didn't work either. While my heart rate isn't in a dangerous zone, it is 90 bpm which isn't bad, but it is high compared to my age, weight and physical activity. Without it my heart rate was 70, so I know it is the Strattera fucking with my heart rate. Sadly, it isn't affecting my cholesterol. If it was I could still keep eating all that delicious crap.
My day started like normal. I woke up exhausted and groggy. I use to be a mornings person. I am not sure what happened. As a teen, I was a night person and same with the early parts of college. As the years went on though, I started going to bed earlier and waking up at a reasonable time. My sleeping patterns have gone back to that of my teenage self for some reason. I toss and turn at night, and want to nap during the day. I am currently trying to fight that urge to lay down and nap. I had a breakfast of a pear with my zucchini bread and a cup of tea. I had popcorn as a snack, which was not that great. I love the idea of popping the kernels on the stove, but it never seems to turn out right. I think it might be the fact I don't have a nonstick pot. I am just using stainless steel, so it tends to burn. Popping it in a lunch bag is bleh as well. For lunch I had a whole tomato and mushrooms sauteed in chicken broth and marsala cooking wine with herbs. It was accompanied by a small potato and whole grain bread, because my cholesterol is borderline for some reason....Yay. So I need to boost my whole grain intake and lower my fatty meats, whole milk and egg consumption. I am not really thrilled about that. It is my own fault though. I had studied and research health and nutrition and everything I have read, including studies, said that whole milk, butter, daily whole egg consumption, and meats were not good for heart health. In recent years though people have come forward saying all those studies were wrong and that their 'study', saying all those foods, are actually good for you. In the back of my mind I was saying bull shit, because you know I wanted to eat all those foods more often in exchange for my bread and grains, because you know, they said those were bad and the actual reason for health issues. I love bread, but I love fat even more. Nothing better than a sunny side up egg with a steak cooked in butter, because that is oh so healthy. In the end, I am an idiot for disregarding years of research and I am paying for it. Now I didn't eat steak that often, but many of my meals involved meat as the front and center and veggies, which you actually want front and center, as a second thought. It accompanied the meat instead of vice versa. For dinner, we will be having black bean sweet potato chili. We still have cornbread left over, from before the results, so I will be feeding my husband that and will be eating a salad with my chili. This whole cholesterol thing is so frustrating considering I am a healthy weight, skinny in fact. I am only 116 pounds at 5'3. It just goes to show you that you can be skinny and not be healthy. I exercise too so it really is all my diet. Slowly, but surely I will be going back to my olive oil obsessed, dairy free milks, low-fat yogurts, egg whites and a mostly vegetable and grain diet with lean meat/seafood in moderation, life. That doesn't mean my life will be super strict. I will just enjoy the occasional treat like I use to, in moderation, on the weekends.
After I had my breakfast I made it my mission to knock out making doctors appointments. My doctor has me seeing a psychologist, which I really don't need for my Strattera, a neurologist, for my headache issue, that arose recently with activity, as well as my short term memory issues, the obgyn, for the usual yearly fun visit, and an orthopedic surgeon for my shoulder. All this will be wrapped up with a follow up with her. While it doesn't seem like much to do, it took me hours. Mostly because I had to answer the same damn questions over and over again about myself, my insurance and my husband, which takes awhile. Mostly because there was a shit ton of questions and there was the waiting time. The neurologists was the worst. I thought she forgot about me. There was no music or anything for people on hold and it was silent for a good 20 minutes. I wanted to hang up, but I didn't feel like going through that waiting, just in case I was not forgotten. I still don't know if she just went, oh fuck someone is on hold, after 20 minutes or if there was a line of us on hold.
Once I was done with doctor shit I proceeded to clean the house. My dogs avoided me like usual and now I am happy with it being clean, even if it only lasts a day or two before I have to do it over again. To help lower my heart, which my Strattera spikes, I decided to mix lavender and mint essential oils in my diffuser and sip on water. Since I am seeing a psychologist I might ask about different medications, not Adderall or Ritalin. Constant high heart rate isn't good, but I am hesitant since many of what I have looked up came with even worse side effects. I don't particularly want manic attacks or seizures in exchange for ADHD symptom control. I've tried not taking it, which didn't work either. While my heart rate isn't in a dangerous zone, it is 90 bpm which isn't bad, but it is high compared to my age, weight and physical activity. Without it my heart rate was 70, so I know it is the Strattera fucking with my heart rate. Sadly, it isn't affecting my cholesterol. If it was I could still keep eating all that delicious crap.
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