It has been an interesting month. With all the doctors visits, plus this past election, my anxiety has been through the roof. I had been on Strattera for my ADHD and anxiety. It was working, kinda, except there was too much serotonin in my brain. I am taking Propranolol, for my migraines, and it seems like it was only putting a bandaid on the issue. It is helping my migraines, but it also lowered my hr. When I went days without it, due to running out, we realized that my heart rate wasn't going down. It has always been high on Strattera, 90 bpm, but it went over 100 bpm for awhile, going up as high as the low 120s. My anxiety was also out of control, more along the lines of being off of it, and my headaches were relentless. So my Psychiatrist pulled me off of it. I wrote a 2 page paper on things I had forgotten, which seem pertinent to her effective treatment. I am wanting to see if we can go a different route. I am considering anxiety medications and natural methods. I am wanting to stay away from SSRI and SNRI's since it seems my body doesn't react well. Honestly, I should have waited to take the Propranolol. While it doesn't have interactions with Strattera, we would have noticed this much faster without it. That is my fault. I have an appointment at 1:45 today for my Psychologist and I am nervous. The paper contains information that I tend to keep to myself. My doctors only know broad information about my history, they don't know intimate details. Only my husband does and that was very hard to vocally express. I hate talking about my past. It does cause anxiety and I do get emotional.
Shortly before I came off my Strattera I noticed my boobs started hurting. The pregnancy test says not pregnant, so I have no clue what it is. Plus the timeframe is less likely for pregnancy. Considering when we had sex, the condom, and when I ovulated, it would be a very unlikely. I have 4 more days until my period starts, so for now I will wait. Freud thinks that doing his deep pressure therapy is helping, which is unfortunate. He lays on my chest, which normally does help with anxiety, but right now it hurts a lot for him to do it. He seems to think my little screams of pain is a sign, which makes him apply more pressure. I don't want to discourage him from doing it, but right now it is not helping. I've tried to redirect him to my legs and lower abdomen, which he seems to understand, but he still goes back to my chest.
This election has also not been great for my anxiety. Many of my friends are very disheartened too. I makes me sad that they are scared and for some reason, people don't understand why people are protesting or are scared for their families. I've seen people brush it off as petty behavior and throwing fits because Clinton didn't win. I've also seen them attack these people saying they are upset that their free ride is no longer available. Those people just don't get it. They don't get that people are scared for their basic rights and safety. It isn't about a handout, it is about not wanting your head bashed in because you are walking down the street while being transgender. It is about not wanting unfair treatment medical and business wise for women. It is also not wanting to fear racist people targeting you because you are black, Hispanic or any other race other than white. I am a white female that is straight and married to a man. What I have to worry about pales compared to what others have to worry about. I only have to worry about being sexually assaulted, being paid less or discriminated against in the medical field. I don't have to worry about some lunatic wanting to kill me because I don't fit into their cookie cutter twisted ideals. Even still, I have a way to protect myself from sexual predators and I am more likely to be believed when I am attacked vs a black woman. I am hoping that things resolve and Trump starts seriously rejecting the KKKs support. So far it has been half-ass and so has his support for minorities. Instead of having someone else say he rejects the KKK, he needs to say it himself and keep shouting it. He needs to really make it known. He also needs to be more vocal for womens rights and rights of the LGBTQ community. If his support was as loud as the racist and sexist bull shit that came out of his mouth, we would not have the amount of protesting we have now. These people are scared because they know he doesn't have his support and they are being targeted by his supporters that are racist, sexist and hateful. I get why some supported him. He has promised to get rid of all the boogymen that haunt us, which sounds nice and all, but his hate speech has attracted the trash as well. When you have someone who openly admits to sexually assaulting women, discriminating against blacks in the past, as well as openly talking about how all Muslims and Hispanics are criminals you will attract like-minded people into the open. Those people now think it is okay to commit hate crimes because of what was said by Trump. While he never said, beating a Muslim woman is okay, he never said anything to deter people from doing that. He never openly condemned it, which is why we now have this shit show.
